Three bizarre experiences in massage

I consider myself quite an experienced customer of „independent“ masseuses. I prefer them to the massage salons, which, in my view, provide a very „standardized“ experience. I like to take risks and I’m always looking for different types of novelties. But most of all, I like to have an informed opinion so, if something raises my curiosity, I try it.

This is a list of the three most bizarre massage experiences that I had this year. They were all bizarre due to a different set of circumstances and, maybe to some of you, they will sound normal. But to me they were not and, in all of these experiences, there is one common thread: I will not come back!

• Misa: The lady in the chata

The link to her add in Annonce is now off but she is usually available: annonce.cz/inzerat/masaz-s-misou–kostelec-67908619-w5fn8m.html

Price: 1800 Kc for one hour

What was bizarre? Two things: she provides massages in a chata in Kostelec and apparently the neighbors complained about the „car traffic“ to her cottage. So she tends to be off during kids holidays and during Summer she has very restricted working hours because the neighboring chatas are full of families. Basically your arrival has ZERO discretion:)

The other bizarre thing is that she claims to be a professional masseuse. (she looks like a normal MILF in her late 40’s). But the massage takes place in her bed and it’s so bad, so bad that I had to ask her to stop and suggest something else. She said she could do oral and sex and I said OK because I did not want to waste my money. She did it but with her eyes closed all the time and I felt like I was „raping“ her. Don’t understand what service she is trying to provide….

• ElfkazLesa: the lady from the dungeon

This lady used to be in Annonce but now only uses her Amateri profile: amateri.com/cs/lide/2148240/Elfkazlesa

Price: 1000 Kc for one hour (discounted from the original price of 1500 Kc, because she cancelled it twice)

Again, this masseuse has two bizarre aspects: the first one is that she keeps cancelling the appointments and blocks you after that. She is always sick.

The second one is the place where the massage takes place (looks like a dungeon for orgies) and the massage itself. I’m not going to exaggerate: I lay down on my belly and she barely touches you with some oil spreading that you can barely feel. TEN minutes later she told me to turn around, laid next to me and started a clumsy hand job. This lasted 5 minutes until I asked her „Is that it?“ She said yes. LOL. I told her to stop the HE, took shower and left. 25 minutes after I had gotten inside the dungeon (a new record for me). Don’t know what she is offering, but it certainly is not a massage..

P.S.- She looks a lot fatter now than the photos she will send you.

• Izabela: the lady with no boobs

Izabela can be reached through her profile in Amateri: amateri.com/cs/lide/2973903/IzabelaTANTRA-P3

Price: 1900 Kc one hour massage plus 300 Kc for shared shower

Like the others, Izabela has two bizarre elements: the first one is the shared shower, for which you pay an extra fee. There is nothing erotic about it, you are just placed against the wall (like if you had been arrested by the police) and she is doing more like a body search than actually wash  or touch you properly.

The other thing is her boobs. Or shall I say, the lack of them. No, it’s not what you are thinking: that she has small boobs. No. I think she had silicone implants at some point (that she removed) and now there is only some sagging skin hanging. It looks very awkward and almost put me off from reaching an orgasm. Otherwise, the massage is quite standard.